Total Trinity Transformation

To go from bitter to better, the “I” must change. 

When we’re bitter about something, we’re often deeply focused on the “I.” They did this to me, so I am this way. This happened to me, so I can’t do that. I was hurt. I was betrayed. I didn’t deserve that. And listen, all of that may be true. People may have done some really messed-up stuff to you. Life may have dealt you a crappy hand. You may have experienced things you absolutely did not deserve. And if we’re being fair, maybe you’ve done some messed-up stuff to people too. We’re human.

But eventually, if you decide you want to move from bitter to better, the “I” has to change. Not because what happened suddenly becomes okay, or because you have to forgive everybody, forget everything, slap a positive affirmation over your pain, and pretend it didn’t hurt. But because there comes a point when you have to ask yourself: Who am I going to be now?

There is a difference between acknowledging that something happened to you and building you entire identity around the fact that it happened. For a long time, I could explain parts of myself through what I had experienced—why I responded the way I did, why certain things triggered me, why I believed certain things about myself, and why I struggled to trust myself. Understanding those things was necessary because sometimes you have to look backward long enough to understand what you’ve been carrying.

But eventually, I realized that what happened to me may have shaped me, but it does not get to change how I show up in the world.  I can acknowledge the pain without allowing it to make every decision. I can understand why I became who I became without believing I have to remain her forever.

And somewhere along the journey to better, something begins to happen. You start realizing that what happened to you was never you. I may have experienced it, survived it, adapted to it, developed beliefs because of it, and developed behaviors because of it, but underneath all of those experiences, coping mechanisms, beliefs, and identities, I am still here. And I am so much more than I what happened.

That’s when the old “I” slowly begins to dissolve. Things that used to matter don’t matter anymore. Things that used to trigger you don’t hold the same power. Arguments you once needed to win suddenly aren’t worth your energy. People you desperately wanted to understand you no longer need to. Stories you’ve repeated about yourself for years begin to sound less like truth and more like something you simply learned to believe. Not because your past disappeared, but because a different “I” is emerging. One with greater awareness, greater consciousness, and greater choice.

And that is what becoming better actually looks like. It isn’t becoming some perfect, healed version of yourself who never gets angry, hurt, triggered, or disappointed again. It’s becoming conscious enough to recognize that you have choices now. You can notice the old story without automatically becoming it. You can feel something without allowing the feeling to decide your response. You can honor what happened without handing it authority over what happens next.

The journey from bitter to better isn’t simply about changing your circumstances. It’s about changing who you believe the “I” is.

So as you move through today, I invite you to listen closely to the “I” telling your story. Pay attention when you hear yourself say, I am… I can’t… I always… I never… I’m this way because… What comes next? Who is speaking? Is it the “I” of victimhood, the version of you still defined by what happened? Or is it the greater “I,” the one who can look at everything you’ve experienced and say, “That happened to me, but that is not all that I am.”

Maybe becoming better doesn’t require you to find yourself. Maybe it requires you to release enough of who you thought you were to finally discover who has been there all along.